Why You’re Stuck—And How One Simple Shift Can Help

Start with Why: How the Golden Circle Can Transform Your Life and Work

At 42, James was stuck in what he called “the middle grind.” Married with three kids, a mortgage, and a mid-level management job, his life felt like a hamster wheel—plenty of motion, but no real progress. He’d achieved the benchmarks of success but couldn’t shake the nagging question: “Is this all there is?”

Then James came across Simon Sinek’s Golden Circle, a deceptively simple framework that flipped his approach to life and work. The concept begins with “Why,” the core motivation that fuels everything you do. From there, you define “How,” the methods or values that guide you, and finally, “What,” the tangible outcomes of your efforts.

James realized he’d been living backward, focusing on the What—paychecks, achievements, and task completion—without anchoring it in his deeper Why. By shifting his focus, James not only reignited his sense of purpose but also saw dramatic improvements in his business performance and personal fulfillment.

What is the Golden Circle?

Simon Sinek introduced the Golden Circle in his 2009 book Start With Why. The concept has three layers:

1. Why: Your purpose, cause, or belief. Why do you do what you do?

2. How: Your process, values, or unique approach. How do you bring your Why to life?

3. What: Your actions, deliverables, or results. What do you produce or achieve?

Most people start with What—the tangible outputs—and work inward. Sinek argues that true clarity and impact come from starting with Why and letting it guide your How and What. It’s a principle backed by research showing that purpose-driven individuals and businesses outperform those without a clear mission.

Applying the Golden Circle to Life and Work

1. Start With Your Why

Your Why is your anchor. Without it, life feels like a series of disconnected tasks. For men in their 30s-50s navigating career pressures and family responsibilities, defining your Why can bring clarity to the chaos.

• Personal Growth: Ask yourself, What legacy do I want to leave for my family? or What drives me to get up each day? For James, his Why was simple: “To create a life where my kids see what meaningful work and family connection look like.”

• Business Success: As a leader, your Why defines your mission. It’s the difference between a team slogging through tasks and a team energized by a shared purpose.

2. Define Your How

Your How bridges your purpose with your actions. It’s the process that brings your Why to life.

• Personal Growth: If your Why is to build a strong family foundation, your How might include weekly one-on-one time with each child, date nights with your spouse, or practicing gratitude daily.

• Work Application: For James, the How meant adopting values like transparency and collaboration. By aligning his leadership style with his core purpose, he found his team not only respected him more but also performed better.

3. Refocus Your What

The What becomes more meaningful when it’s rooted in your Why and How. It’s no longer just about ticking boxes; it’s about creating outcomes that align with your purpose.

• Personal Growth: Instead of merely aiming to “be a good dad,” James reframed his What into actionable steps: “Teach my kids resilience through small challenges,” or “Model work-life balance by unplugging during family dinners.”

• Work Application: In the office, this meant delivering not just projects but solutions that reflected his team’s shared purpose—helping clients succeed while fostering a positive work environment.The Power of Process

The Power of Starting With Why

The Golden Circle works because it engages both logic and emotion. Neuroscience reveals that decisions are driven by emotion and justified with logic. Starting with Why taps into your intrinsic motivators, creating a ripple effect on your actions and outcomes. As Sinek put it,

For men in their prime working years, this approach isn’t just transformational—it’s necessary. By starting with Why, you’ll gain the clarity to align your life and work with your deepest values.

Your Turn: Align Your Life With Your Why

Life isn’t meant to be a series of disconnected Whats. It’s meant to be a story of purpose, a testament to your Why. If you’re ready to take control of your life and rediscover your purpose, start by defining your Golden Circle.

This is one of many techniques that I use in coaching men in clarifying their purpose and mastering their confidence in all aspects of their lives, and its a great one to implement. If you want info on that, reply to this email with the word “more,” and I’ll send you more details on the upcoming Men’s Transformation Challenge.

Cheers,

Matt

P.S. Simply hit “reply” and type the word “MORE” to get info on my upcoming 5-Day Men’s Transformation Challenge.

P.P.S. If this was helpful for you, it might be helpful for someone else. Feel free to share it. My goal is to help as many people as possible stop settling and start living. 🤙

Sources

• Sinek, S. (2009). Start With Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action.

• Harvard Business Review. Purpose-Driven Leadership and Organizational Success.

• Neuroscience of Decision Making. Journal of Behavioral Neuroscience.